Apple’s 2015 Q1 numbers are somewhat impressive

Summary for Android fansDon’t worry. Q2 2015 will certainly be a terrible one for Apple.

Indeed, as the heading of the article says, the numbers of Apple’s first quarter of the 2015 fiscal year are impressive, which is really odd, because Steve Jobs has been dead for a while, yet Apple has yet to starts is death-spiral. Regardless, let’s take a look at the numbers.

In a record-breaking quarter, Apple earned $74.6 billion in revenue, resulting in $18 billion in profits. These numbers beat Apple’s own forecast which predicted revenues between $63 and $66 billion.

But these kinds of results aren’t going to last, predict some analysts, since the bulk of Apple’s revenues (over 68%) came from iPhone sales, and if past trends are any indication, consumers get tired of shiny yet functional objet d’arts.

I wonder if anyone is keeping track of the hipster population, which should accurately predict Apple’s future success.

Amazon to enter email market with WorkMail

AWS logo

Note to Prime membersNo, you won’t be able to stream your emails.

It is likely that you are familiar with Google’s and Microsoft’s email offering, and soon you’ll have a third choice when it comes to workplace email—Amazon’s WorkMail. The service is part of the Amazon Web Services suite of cloud-powered tools.

WorkMail will offer email, and calendar services and include enterprise-grade security.

“Amazon WorkMail automatically encrypts all of your data at rest with encryption keys you control, using AWS Key Management Service. Amazon WorkMail also allows you to retain full control over data locality by choosing the AWS region where all of your data is stored.” (Amazon)

If past offerings are any indication, WorkMail users who are Prime members will be able to get printed copies of their emails with free 2-day shipping.

Apple Watch to be available sometime in April

Apple Watch
Apple Watch – Credit: Apple

Summary for hipstersThe iWatch will become available for increasing your hipster cred in April.
During Apple’s quarterly earnings report, Time Cook said that the Apple Watch is “right on schedule.”

“My expectations are very high on [Apple Watch]. I’m using it every day and love it and can’t live without it,” said Cook.

The Apple Watch was announced in September of 2014, but has been the talk of the tech world for years, as pundits kept assuring us that it will arrive ‘this year’. Of course, none (very little)of the speculations over the years match up with the reality of what we know about the iWatch Apple Watch, but everyone is excited about the latest gadget from Apple.

Note: It is amazing that despite him admitting that he is gay that I have yet to catch him saying anything remotely flamboyant.

The Muslim fashion world is about to explode!

Blue is an option as long as the eyes are covered as well
Blue is an option as long as the eyes are covered as well.

Summary for Giorgio ArmaniYou have nothing to worry about.
Things always seem impossible until they are not. And Muslim women’s fashion presented an oxymoron until Modanisa, a Turkish company, stepped in to revolutionize the industry.

Based on recent estimates, the Muslim fashion market is worth about $200 billion, yet there are hardly any online retailers dedicated to selling large pieces of black fabric. Seeing the opportunity, Modanisa was started four years ago to provide “choice in style” (I wonder how many shades of black there are). In that short time, Modanisa has been able to attract 300 brands and 22 designers who are now selling using their ecommerce platform.

Though the company is still young, they are working hard to blaze new trails.

I love seeing new business ideas flourish, so it’s great that the Muslim women’s fashion market is booming! It is important for Muslim women to be able to express themselves by deciding whether they’d like their niqab to be black or dark brown.

Google to launch wireless service

Summary for idiotsGoogle is going to offer cell phone service.
New reports have surfaced stating that Google will launch a wireless service this year. The reports state that Google plans to offer wireless services as a Mobile Virtual Network Operator (MVNO) using Sprint and T-Mobile services.

Based on past experience with Google products, here are some of the features I am guessing the service will offer.

  • Automated scanning of telephone conversations in order to deliver targeted advertising through voicemail and text messages.
  • An extremely minimalistic monthly bill (it’ll just be a white piece of paper with your monthly total printed in the middle and a QR code underneath). You’ll also be able to scan the QR code to automatically pay your bill with Google Wallet.
  • Integration with Google Analytics which will help customers track information like the amount of time they spent talking to their mom, or sitting on hold with their cable company.

It will be an interesting battle to see if Google can beat out Walmart’s Straight Talk.

4chan founder to step down

Summary for old peopleA young guy, who made more money than you ever will by setting up a message board which was used mostly for porn, is not going to run his site anymore.
Since I have resolved to only talk about important news on here, I thought it would be imperative to mention something that is newsworthy but that is being ignored by the mainstream technology blogs.

4chan Founder is “retiring from 4chan”.

For those of you who don’t know what 4Chan is, I feel a deep sorrow that you have wasted your life until now by not having been able to avail yourselves of the fountain of goodness that is 4chan. I for one am saddened to see moot (that’s his online nickname) step down from what he started at the age of 15, but I am also excited to see what else he has in store for humanity—perhaps a cure for cancer, or a means to end hunger.

Google might invest $1 billion in SpaceX

Summary for whoeverOne big technology company is investing money in another technology company.
It is no secret that Google would like more and more people to have access to the Internet, and in order to get this to happen, it is considering a hefty investment in Elon Musk’s SpaceX, which has floated the idea of launching thousands of satellites in an attempt to set up a worldwide Internet access.

“We see it as a long-term revenue source for SpaceX to be able to fund a city on Mars,” Elon Musk told Bloomberg.

No one can call this guy boring and lacking ambition, that’s for sure. And he gets things done; however, with Google’s involvement things might take a turn for the worse, since most of Google’s projects end up being canned.